Words Are Words

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Today is one of those days I wish negative things about me were unsaid.

Some say,

Actions speak louder than words.

But I believe otherwise; it’s still louder when you directly hear it.

Actions, no matter how spontaneous or natural, are always subject to the speculation of the observer. Speculating on the implicit leads to nothing but speculation itself, not verification. No one has a hold on what was not stated; the only way to validate something is to hear it.

A word said is like a hand which slapped someone; one has to establish it on your face, to prove how stupid/insensitive you were, to wake you up from madness.

Words extinguish speculation of the act; words prompt us to reflect on what was said, why something was done, and why something was explicitly stated.

That explains why I’m more sensitive with words I hear from other people. Because of high self-expectations, many times, my ego cannot handle criticisms.

Particularly when something was expressed bluntly.

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Pandas for World Peace

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I guess this is a fact everyone recognises, but I just want to emphasise how the world has become so distracted and been filled with every type of distraction possible!

Very stressful. I know there had been other types of distractions we humans faced but now these have increased exponentially in the advent of technology getting more sophisticated. That’s quite ironic (and expected) since technology must present better ways to perform our daily headaches. However, reality says worse complications will inevitably arise along the way as previous issues come and go.

And when you have sown one complication with another (and another and another), many times we forget to be at peace with ourselves.

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On Writing and Re-Starting

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Many people think of me as an open book. Blame it to me talking too much at times and trusting easily even to new people I’ve just conversed with, it’s as if I have told everyone how colourful my life is. What remains hidden to these spectators, however, is my tendencies of seclusion especially when things turn out quite chaotic than what should be. And whenever understanding seems too elusive, I find refuge in writing.

Besides consciously organising random thoughts, writing has been a unique way of talking to myself. The world becomes more challenging day by day. Changes happen, whether wanted or unwanted. Issues of motivation, trust and capabilities hound any growing individual. These concerns, more often than not, are being faced simultaneously as we struggle to keep up with the things happening in the macro. Thus, there is a need for humans to consistently know where the change comes from, identify what triggers it and understand how that particular change can actually serve for one’s betterment and the contribution of such betterment to the community.

That’s the reason I have been keeping to continue writing even if many of these thoughts left unpublished or are simply being random. I am hungry (and at the same time thrilled) to understand how my inner universe works and the changes it has been undergoing.

But writing isn’t all about heaven. Honestly, I am disappointed. I have been writing since I was young and, although I have the potential, I feel stagnancy. I have been failing to regularly update blogs and private electronic journals despite having OneNote and Springpad. I pride of storing different ideas and I yearn to explain these to people (even if these sound weird) but, most of the time, I struggle on putting my thoughts into words. It’s hard to select what to blog about and how to write it.

Believe me, writing is difficult for me. I cannot even see myself writing for a living!

Either I need more practice or I should read more. Perhaps both.

***
Today (at the time of writing: tonight) is my last day of being bum.

Despite having a previous employer, the Day-One-at-Work eve still has the magic to inject a feeling of a fresh graduate. I’m anxious on this new start in a field unimaginable to me years ago. I can’t help thinking about my capabilities to adjust to a new surrounding. Where my skills would take me and what’s in store for me in the coming days remain unknown. Inhibitions haunt me. Yet I’m welcoming this particular opportunity, with dreams intact to ensure self-development and to aid others in helping themselves. I am willing to re-start, to rehabilitate the damaged me and to improve what I have even if it means an uncanny mix of joy and pain.

I’m ready to gradually handle varying responsibilities, to become less negative, to discover what I want to be, to realise things I have envisioned myself with, to be frustrated and to re-start again if needed. Through charting the life I have lived and applying every lesson to take the yet unearthed path, learning won’t be compromised.

I believe in myself–and in my talent to re-discover myself. If I need to use another name, so be it.

***
Okay, I have been random again. In an attempt to fully make sense on this page, I need an interesting theme where my posts revolve. I hope to determine it very soon–and yes, find time.

From One Thought to Another

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In my effort to organise thoughts, I’ve been using Springpad to compose and store posts for ‘The Twelfth Chollima‘. Due to its Web-based nature, people who have been using at least two different computers will find it very helpful. Inch by inch, we are departing from the world dominated by USBs for text document storage!

Wherever you are and whenever thoughts splash, you can just load the application, type the necessary words and store them! If editing is needed and you need to access the text at another place with another computer, loading and doing the task require minimum energy from your fingertips. Even inside a crowded train and an idea instantaneously flashed, Springpad efficiently performs. Thank your intelligent smart phone for that.

For three days, I’ve been wanting to create an entry during dull moments at work, but to my surprise Springpad won’t load in the office! OneNote is an alternative, but I’m too obsessive-compulsive to let my drafts stray in different computers and applications. Today, it still won’t load but I really need to write!

Now that I’m using Web connection at home, it’s fully functional!

***
Habits can be consciously formed in twenty-one days.

Credits to the planner I’ve retrieved from Coffee Bean for encouraging me to form new habits. Recently, I have an initial success in ensuring that I leisurely read everyday. That changed the time I spend commuting everyday.

Let’s try it on watching football games. On my future posts, perhaps I can relate matches to a more personal level. Promise, I won’t sleep longer than seven hours just to catch the attempts to nail a goal.

***
Since childhood, we all have our ambitions. From the pettiest ones, our dreams snowball and evolve into a coherent, interrelated set. Whatever these dreams are will always be a product of our’s achievements, failures and even stagnancy.

Through having an ambition, we look forward to the future. We reflect on what we have and what we can utilise to achieve them. Mistakes are rectified for the better. We adopt a particular philosophy or a hybrid of the existing ones, forming our vision. When it happens, it’s as if the remaining steps follow: we gain different perspectives, learn and apply approaches to certain situations, improve our overall outlook and extend help beyond the betterment of our family. Being ambitious isn’t a sin, after all.

But sometimes, ambitiousness hinders our capability to realise them.

Some people are negatively changed by their ambitions. They have seemed to practise their ideals like how they wear clothes, posing an appropriate stance when the occasion calls for it. These people are willing to sacrifice what they used to stand for in the name of fame. What’s worse, they preach about these things with conviction though their actual lives do not radiate such proclamation. Worst, they distort the true meaning of what they have been sticking to!

Imagine the tradition infiltrating our youth. In turn, our universities are propagating professionals of such breed. No wonder many of those serving in the government are slaves to their one-sided desires.

***
I always hope for a better, brighter day every time I get off the bed. Definitely the universe has reasons for us to wake up each day despite yesterday’s pains, today’s stress and tomorrow’s inhibitions. Today must not be the same with yesterday and tomorrow! We could have not lived another day if these were bound to stay the same everyday.

Sometimes, however, I feel quite dormant. Neither I am seeing significant changes nor improvement in my overall personality. I feel static and negative. Well, you can partly blame it to spontaneity which treats repetition as dull, ugly and uncreative. But I’m telling you it’s beyond that nature.

Though it does not mean that I like frequent changes. I like changes when these are necessary. When these come without any warning and out of necessity, I don’t like it. Maybe I’m just annoyed with some unwarranted changes I’m seeing lately. To tell you the truth, I do not want these issues I’m dealing with. Who wants negativity and low self-esteem, anyway? For the meantime, I have to bear with them.

Goals

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Stray dogs, after all, could kick much celebration into a basketball-obsessed country.

Our apparent focus to improve developmental basketball program and its players weirded me since childhood. We aren’t Caucasians having less melanin against the harmful UV rays. We stand shorter relative to the Americans, Serbians, Argentines, Germans and Chinese; but we are (and could be) as agile as Brazilians, Spanish and Koreans. Our spirit inside any battlefield is unquestionable, and reclaiming the basketball crown we used to wear is not a foolproof excuse to neglect another sport suited for Filipinos.

Good thing, the current squad of the Azkals is willing to propagandise through continuously nailing goals and efforts to sustain the augmenting football fever in the Philippines! Although in reality, I never needed that stint to pay attention to football.

***

While many Filipinos were feasting over Mongolian barbecue, I was grilling myself.

What are your goals in life?

More than the difficulty I had to package my answer, I discovered that the problem is the answer itself! To be brutally honest, I don’t know what these goals are.

But a part of me gave an excuse. ‘Hey, maybe he still can’t determine it at the moment, but he has prospects.

Thank you for sparing me. It was a breather.

So a better question was suggested.

Do you have any goal at the moment?

Perplexed, I refused to answer. This time, silence does not mean yes.

Well, it means yes—if it means the absence of such.

End of story? No, not yet.

Then I was asked of the things I want to be that aren’t necessarily classified as a goal. Obviously that’s just nuts, but I kept mum.

Now you know the situation I’m into isn’t as simple as that.